


And Then He Realized

by secret_kisslove094



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-10-30
Packaged: 2019-06-29 17:40:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15734259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secret_kisslove094/pseuds/secret_kisslove094
Summary: i totally suck at summaries so here goes!This is only my second Fic so I'm hoping you like it :)This is going to be part 1 of I don't know how many chapters. Basically Dean realizing how much of an idiot he's been, suicidal thoughts, fluff and smut





	1. And Then He Realized

Dean hadn't left the bunker for weeks. All he did was sit in his room and drink himself silly.  
Why hadnt he realized before? Why hasn't he told him how he felt?

It had been weeks since Lucifer killed Cas and Dean wasn't doing very well. Maybe if he had told him how he felt maybe, just maybe he wouldn't have gone. No, Dean knew Castiel, he would've gone anyway.  
Dean had so many thoughts going through his head. All those wasted moments where Dean could've told him. All those times they hugged and Dean almost cried at the thought of letting him go. His best friend, his family... the love of his life. He couldn't tell Sam why he was moping but he was sure that Sam knew why. 

 

Sam didn't know what to do or how to get Dean to leave his room. He just wasn't interested in doing anything, even when Sam bought his favourite cherry pie he wouldn't even come out. He knew that Dean still hadn't come to terms with Cas really being gone this time. Sam loved Cas like a brother and it broke his heart to see that bastard Lucifer sticking the Angel Balde in him but he had to pick himself up and look after Jack. He had no one: only them.

By the sixth beer, Dean was feeling very woozy and in his drunken state he decided to do something that he had been putting back for weeks. He knew that once he sobered up he'd probably regret it but he needed to. He downed what was left of his beer, jumped off his bed, opened his door and froze. There it was. Cas's bedroom door. This was the reason he didn't want to leave his room. Dean had refused to go in or let anyone in especially Jack. He had caught him opening the door a few times. They all just needed to stop. To stop moving things and pretend that everything is fine. It was not fine. Dean finally worked up the courage to open that door. Everything was exactly how Cas had left it. His bed hasn't been made, his pjs still crunched up on his bed and everything smelt like him. Everytime Cas couldn't sleep, he would sneak into Dean's room and steal one of his shirts, put it on, go back to bed and just watch Netflix. He looked around and found the last shirt Cad had taken. Dean's favourite and most worn Led Zepplin shirt.  
"So there it is. I should've known it was here. You loved this shirt Cas." he picked the shirt up and smelt it. Cas. He lay back onto Cas's bed.  
"You stupid son of a bitch."  
He hadn't realized that he had started crying. Well it was more like sobbing. He was still holding the shirt and he brought it up to his nose one more time.  
"You left me. You should've been more careful. Dammit Cas! How can I live without you?! What the hell am I supposed to do without you?!"  
The tears weren't going to stop anytime soon.

Jack was going to try to get into Cas's room again. He needed to know who he was. The man that saved his mother. He had almost reached Cas's room when he heard crying coming from inside. When he looked inside he saw Dean holding onto a shirt crying.  
"You left me you bastard. You told me you'd always be here. I can't go on without you Cas. I should've told you how I felt. Dammit"  
Jack had never seen Dean so upset. Why was he so upset? Jack knew that Dean thought that Cas's death was all his fault and that he hated him for it, so he had been trying to do everything he could to make Dean like him. He wanted Dean to like him but he never knew what to do bit right now he got an idea. If Castiel was still alive Dean would be happy. What if he could bring him back? 

Dean hadn't even realized that he had fallen asleep. He actually slept. Maybe being in Cas's room helped him sleep. He reached out and to pick up the alarm clock at the side of the bed to check the time. It was 6pm. he had slept 4 hours.  
"Ok come on. You need food."  
He was trying to convince himself that he was hungry. He changed his shirt and put on the Led Zepplin on he had found in Cas's room and went straight to the kitchen.  
"Sam? Sam? Sammy??" no reply. The bunker was too quiet which was unusual. So he made a detour to his room to get his phone to call Sam. When Sam finally answered after a few rings Dean flipped.  
"Dude where the hell are you? I come out and it's empty not even a fucking note! what is something happened to you huh?"  
"Geez Dean calm down. Me and Jack are hunting a Wendigo. We'll be back in a few days. By the way nice talking to you to big bro."  
"You took the kid with you?" Why would he do That?  
"Of course I did Dean. where would I have left him?"  
Sam was right. If he didn't take him with him he would've been here with him.  
"Yeah yeah ok. Just.. be safe Ok?"  
"Always am big bro." And the line went dead.  
Dean put his phone in his pocket an started going to  
the kitchen.  
"Sandwich" He said to himself. He started walking to the fridge when suddenly a blinding white light coming from behind him.  
"What the fuck?!" Dean said trying to cover his eyes when suddenly he heard a voice.  
"Hello Dean."  
He froze.That voice. He knew that voice but it can't be. It had to be someone messing with him like Gabriel or a shapshifter but how the hell would they have come in? The bunker was warded. He turned around slowly and then he saw it, a beige trench coat.  
"Cas? Cas? What...how? "  
"I don't know. One minute all I saw was black and the next I'm here."  
Dean didn't know what to say so he just moved a little bit closer and poked Cas in the stomach.  
"Dean? What are you doing?"  
"You're here. You're actually here."  
"Yes Dean I'm here. How long have I been gone?"  
"Too damn long. But... I saw you die. You were dead " Dean could feel the tears going down his cheek.  
"I was Dean."  
"But You're here now?"  
"Yes."  
Dean didn't know what came over him. He wasn't thinking all he knew was that Cas was alive. He was here, standing in front of him and the feeling was too overwhelming. Dean couldn't control himself, he took the collar of the trench coat and pulled the Angel closer. They were now only inches apart. He could feel Cas's breath against his lips. Those ocean blue eyes staring up at him. He never thought he'd see those eyes again. Dean couldn't stop himself, even if he wanted to. He pulled Cas the rest of the way until their lips were touching. Cas's lips were so soft. After a few seconds Dean pulled back to look at this beautiful angel standing in from of him and he saw that Cas was crying.  
" Why are you crying Cas?"  
"I just.. I've wanted that for so long Dean." He wanted this? he actually wants this? he thought to himself.  
"Me too Cas "  
"Dean.. What does this mean?"  
"I don't know Cas. All I know is that I've been a mess without you. I.. couldn't sleep I couldn't eat.. I just.. Cas I can't live without you. I want this.. I want you."  
"You want me? But Why? I'm just me and you are we'll, you re Dean Winchester."  
"Why would I want you? Cas it's the other way around. Why would you want? I'm a jerk, I'm selfish, I'm reckless and you're... You're Castiel, the Angel of the Lord." at that point Cas put his hands on either side on Dean's face.  
"Dean, you're so incredibly smart, you're one of God's favourites, you help people, you're a good brother to Sam, an amazing friend to me. How could I now l....:and he was but off my Dean being Dean.  
"HA me a good friend? You got killed because I couldn't hold you back, I couldn't protect you." Cas looked into this beautiful man's forest green eyes and he felt like he was home.  
"Dean, I'm not very good with expressing my emotions but when I'm with you, I dont know how to explain it. When I'm with you i feel home."  
"Cas I feel the same. God I never thought I'd see you again."  
"What does my father have to do with this Dean?" At that sentence sean realized just how much he missed this angel, his angel.  
"I didn't mean, oh you know what I don't care. I've got you back." He pulled him back in for another kiss. This time Cas was waiting for it and he was responding back.  
"Uhm Cas? Could you stay with me tonight? I haven't slept since you... you know and I'm not ready to let you go." Dean was practically blushing.  
"Of course I can Dean"


	2. Happiness Comes To Those Who Wait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Destiel happens. 
> 
> I hope you guys like this chapter. it's been way too long since I posted :/ but better late then never right?

Dean felt like he was floating.  
'This couldn't be happening' he thought to himself. Cas had died right before his eyes, he had held his lifeless body and now he's here, standing in front of him. Alive. Kissing him. Then it hit him, they kissed. They finally kissed. Him and Castiel. 

They stayed wrapped on each others arms in the kitchen for what felt like forever. Dean never wanted it to end. Now that he had him back he was never going to let him go again. Suddenly and all too quickly Dean felt Cas pull away.

"Dean. You said you wanted to go to bed so... let's go"  
Dean's mouth went dry. Did Cas actually sound.. nervous?   
"Yeah.. uhm.. yeah let's go"  
Cas grabbed Dean's hand and lead they both to Dean's room. They reached his door when Cas stopped.  
"Dean i need to go get a change of clothes for bed. k don't want to stay in these clothes." He was about to let go of his hand when Dean practically pounced on him.  
"No.. uhm.. I mean you can borrow some of mine, you know like usual?"   
Dean wanted to beg him to never let his hand go. Ever.  
"You know about that?"  
"Of course I do Cas. You're not very quiet to say you're an angel."   
"And that's ok? You re ok with that?"  
Cas actually looked a little embarrassed now.  
"Yeah I am. I find it cute that you like wearing my clothes."   
"Yes I do. You scent on them helps me relax."  
Dean just have his hand a little squeeze and opened his bedroom door and lead then both in.

"So, do you have a side?"  
"Everyone has sides Dean look" he started poking the side of his ribcage.  
"No Cas I mean a side of the bed" oh how he had missed this weird Angel.   
"Do you have a side Dean?"  
"Yeah I actually sleep on the middle so if I roll over you I'm sorry."  
"I sleep in the middle too Dean. Is it ok if we share?"   
"Yeah of course it is Cas."   
Dean felt his mouth go dry. He reluctantly let go of Cas's hand and walked towards his best of drawers to find Cas a shit.  
"Got any Preferences..." he turned round to look at Cas and what he saw made him loose his train of thought. He was taking off his over sized trench coat. Cas looked up at Dean with those amazing blue eyes.  
"Yes. Can I have the one with the alphabet on it?"  
"Alphabet? Oh you mean AC/DC?"   
"Yes Dean that one."  
He finally took his eyes off the angel to look for the shirt finally ge found it.  
He turned to talk to him and said  
"This one right?"  
Dean stopped talking again. Cas had taken off his black blazer and was unbuttoning his white dress shirt.  
"Yes Dean thank you."  
Cas gave him a little smile and continued to take off his clothes. When he finally unbuttoned his shirt and had taken it off he kicked off his shoes and started to unzip his black dress pants. He took them off and he was just standing there in Dean's room in a nothing but a pair of white boxers. 'Damn.. he looks better with no clothes' Dean thought to himself.  
He started walking toward Dean and gently took the shirt from Deans hands.  
"Yeah yeah you're welcome Cas"  
Cas put on the shirt gave it a sniff and started walking slowly towards the bed.  
"Let's go to bed Dean."   
Cas climbed into Dean's unmade bed while Dean just stood there staring and how elegant this angel actually was. 

Dean was nervous. The only time he had shared a bed with another guy it was with Sammy when they were kids, waiting for their Dad to come back after a hunt but this wasn't the same. He was about to share a bed with Castiel. Angel of the Lord. Castiel his best friend. Castiel the guy that could be his forever.

Finally Dean walked towards his bed with this gorgeous angel in it. He climbed in and lay on his back looking up at the ceiling.  
"Uhm.. thanks for staying here with me tonight man."  
His voice was breaking.  
"You know I would do anything for you Dean. Always."   
Dean turned over to face that gave me had missed so much  
"I.. i know I don't say it or show it much but I hope you know I'd do anything for you too Cas."  
He could feel the tears flowing.  
"Cas watching you die, holding your dead body, it was the worst moment of my life. I felt empty, alone. I'd rather spend a lifetime with Alister in hell then go through that again."   
'Since when did I get so sappy?' Dean thought to himself. Dean was more of the 'I'll show you but you'll never know how I feel because that isn't manly' kind of a guy but with Cas, he felt like he could tell him anything. 

Dean has spent week being pissed off. Pissed at Lucifer for killing Cas, pissed at Cas for getting himself killed but pissed off at himself for letting Cas get killed. Blaming himself. He could feel the tears and then didn't seem to stop anytime soon. It was in that moment that Dean realized that he couldn't live without Cas. Not again. The thought of losing him again made Dean's heart ache   
"Dean please form cry. Dean I'm here. I don't know how but I'm here and I am not leaving you again. I'm not leaving."   
Cas lifted his hand and ran his finger over Dean's cheek catching his tears.  
"I've never seen you cry Dean. I don't like it."   
Cas got hold of Dean's hand and kissed each knuckle. All Dean wanted was for Cas to kiss him and as if Cas could read his mind, he leaned in and kissed Dean. 

After a few seconds or minutes Dean's wasn't sure, the kiss started to get heated. He couldn't hood his moans back anymore. Cas was responding to his moans. Cas rolled them over so he was staring into in eyed. Dean was looking up at his angel. His Angel. Dean had never been happier. Not only was Cas alive but here he was. In bed with Dean, kissing him.   
"Is this ok Dean? If you want to stop I understand."   
"Don't you dare stop Cas. Please don't."  
Dean was practically begging. Cas finally leant down and kissed Dean again. Then Cas did something that shocked Dean. He moaned and rolled his hips. Grinding their her noticeable hard ons together. This innocent angel had learned a few things but from where. And then it hit him. April. That bitch of a reaper that took advantage of him. Taking advantage of his vulnerability and innocence. Suddenly Cas stopped and looked at Dean.  
"Dean is.. is everything alright? have I done something wrong?"  
They were both panting.  
"No no Cas I was just.. I was just thinking."  
"Yes I know Dean. I could tell. I am an angel and I have been inside your head before. I know what youtr thinking about. I know you Dean and no. It wasn't like this with April."  
"How.. how did you know I was thinking of that bitch?"  
"Dean.. Dean I know you. I know you're overthinking or your nervous look. You raise you're eyebrows, you're ears get a little red and you keep looking down at your hands. Please don't 'bail' on me. I know you do that when you're uncomfortable."   
"Cas.. Cas I'm not uncomfortable believe me. I haven't been this happy for a long time and I'm scared. I'm scared that this is a dream. That I'm going to wake up tomorrow and you'll still be dead. I can't do that again Cas. I can't be without you."   
"Dean.."  
He lifted his hand and pulled Dean's chin up so he could kiss his neck.  
"Dean i love you. I have loved you since I first saw your soul glow in hell. When I placed my hand on you I knew you were meant to be mine."  
Cas finally looked Dean in the eyes.  
"At first i didn't know what the feelings I had were. As you know angels don't have emotions. But then I became human and these feelings became stronger. I never wanted to be away from you, I always wanted to touch you or to hold you."  
"So that's why you always hugged me. I looked forward to out daily hugs you know."  
"Dean i love you and I think you might love me too."  
Dean head was spinning. Castiel loved him? Cas moved back to Dean's neck. Suddenly Dean felt brave he pulled Cas's head back up so he was level with him and kissed him.  
"Cas I love you too I guess I've always have. I've just been too chicken shit to say it. Cas I never want to be away from you again. I never want to live without you again. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you Cas. You're it for me. My happy ending."  
Dean could tell that Cas was about to start crying too.  
"Dean you have no idea how long i have wanted to hear that." 

Cas rolled over so he was lying next to Dean and pulled him closer. Dean put his chin in the crook on Cas's neck.  
"I love you Castiel."  
"I love you too Dean. My Dean."  
"My Angel."

Dean fall asleep almost instantly. It was the deepest sleep he had had since Cas died. A sleep without nightmares.


End file.
